Hi Everyone.Yes , you are reading it right! Its a blog post from me after a very long break and it was a happy break .Alhumdolillah I am a mom to a 7 weeks old baby boy now. We are both doing fine. The pregnancy brain fog didnt allow me to write or think anything except the baby. Now the things are settling in slowly and so is my brain so you will see me more often. See you soon with my next blog post.
What do people with pain
Have with them
to give to others ?
Kindness , empathy may be
it is just the pain.
A part of pain here
and a part of pain there.
Turning someone’s smile
into sadness becomes
their daily chores.
Mean , vile , poisonous
Words that sting and hurts.
Wicked smiles and shrewd
minds they become.
A pain they have gone through
An ember of pain which
they hold on forever ,
And refuse to let go.
Refuse to let it heal.
A pain which they share
With the world as Ripple effect .
On a sunny autumn afternoon a woman sauntered a shop to check scarves and under scarf caps( used by women who wears Hijab). She was checking few things for a while and then got stuck by the striking navy blue pashmina shawl , something similar she had been looking for a while . The scarf was put on display at the door.
She inquired from the shop keeper a tall guy with a dark beard, skull cap on his head and a big prayer mark on his forehead. ‘Where can I find that blue scarf inside the shop ?’ he pointed her to a row of scarves without looking at her.
The woman went to that shelf, there were indeed pashmina shawls, she checked them one by one , much to her disappointment the blue shawl wasn’t in there. She picked up other two colors that she liked thinking the blue shawl might be over. She went over to the counter to pay ,there was another woman before her so she waited for her turn.
The shopkeeper to the woman : ‘Why are you not buying the blue shawl ?’
W: ‘ I wanted to buy it but I think it’s over, couldn’t find in that section .’
The shopkeeper turning red, raising his voice : ‘ If you could have used your eyes, you would have find it, Allah gave brain to women as well but they dont want to use it. Come I will show where is the shawl, Learn to use your eyes and brain. What do you mean you cant find it, it is there ! See. ‘
The woman heard it disbelievingly. No it can’t be true what he said, she must be day dreaming , he cant treat a customer like that, For a lot of people the response could be a fight , but hers was freeze. She couldn’t utter anything from shock. Meanwhile her eyes met the helper standing next to the shopkeeper , his hand on his mouth , and as soon as his eyes met the woman’s he pleaded her to ignore the guy .
The woman still in shock, paid quickly , thinking there must be a problem with the guy, after all who treats customer like that. The shopkeeper now turning soft, ‘oh are you an Arab ? ‘ The lady shook her head to say no, ‘oh it doesn’t matter ! Here is your change, have a nice day! ‘
The woman didn’t say anything and leaves with a trail of thoughts not willing to leave her mind for a day or so.
To calm herself down, she was constantly explaining herself, he must be a sick guy , there might be a problem with him, while her alter ego was provoking and shaming her for being such a meek and a fool in front of that guy .
‘Why you didn’t throw the stuff on his face and walked off,’
‘Why you didn’t shout at him ! ‘
‘ You know you have just encountered a pathetic misogynist ‘.
The voices in her head, didn’t want to shut . She had indeed been insulted by a misogynist. She really wished and hoped that this guy should learn his lesson one day . Her heart went out to all such women who are living with these men and suffering every day. She has just felt an iota of that hurt and feelings that those women go through every day and sometimes some of them didn’t have a choice to even walk away.
And you can imagine who that stupid woman was that day!
11 year old me: Abba , when I am praying or Reading Quran my mind always wanders off but it doesn’t happen when I watch tv or read another book which means I am only reading from my tongue but my heart and mind is not in there. I am so upset at myself.
Abba : (laughs firsts) I am glad you noticed it , please keep trying to focus and it will come inshallah .
me: I feel bad that my prayers will not be accepted .
Abba: Look there is always a positive way to look at things . First of all you have realized it and you already know what should you do about it. Even though you feel the prayers are not good enough there is still a part of your body ( your tongue) which is still busy in ibaadah of Allah swt, things are not as bad as we think they are. You keep trying to focus and soon you will pray with full focus and attention.That’s how we all learn and practice.
The above conversation is at least 20 years old between a 10 or 11 year old me and my paternal grandfather . It is one of the many wonderful memorable conversations I had with him which have shaped the person I am. It was the first thing that played in my mind yesterday after talking to a friend who refuses to see the positive side of life and not being optimistic for the days when things will be better. She told me I am not as positive person as you are which kept me thinking for long , what could be the reason for this difference in positivism where she clearly is lacking. Is it part of personality? Is it learnt by self with a conscious effort ? or is it constantly fed by our surroundings and people around us in our formative years .
I think all three reasons are valid and the most important one is the last one. The people around us, our parents our family , our environment,if they are positive or not. A child picks up the first vibes and outlook to see life from his surroundings. Is my life or any other person’s life different from each other in terms of daily struggles ? We are all in our bubble of life, struggling to survive and to be. We all have our share of problems and griefs, there might be difference in level and gravity of problems but we all have our share so why is it that some people could bounce back after a setback or problem while others cannot ? where is that subtle difference ? that difference might be coming with the positive attitude in life. I think it is very important to create a positive environment around us for ourselves , to preserve our sanity and imbibe the positive thinking in our children.
Love the book ! One of the best one so far from Sahar Abdulaziz.
REVIEW: How much should one try to keep up the relationship or is it best to walk away from an abusive marriage or Relationship? Sums the summary of book. The story is about Bella a young girl caught in such a marriage which revolves around a narcissist person ,her husband Logan who is a perpetual liar and womanizer. Bella wants to do everything to keep up this marriage which landed up her in a psychological department of hospital when she tried to commit suicide. What call Bella takes now for saving her life is totally in her hands ! I will not kill the suspense of this book by telling you the complete story. I love the character of Prim and Ike too ,Bella’s friends who helped her out. The book also raises awareness for mental health and how important it is to take care of it and of people fighting with it. After reading the book i could decode the meaning of guitar on cover , the butterflies and expendable of course 🙂 They all have reason to be there.
My Rating for the Book: 4 stars.
I have often wondered about the difference between Self Love and Selfishness. How much of self love is okay and when does it become selfishness. Mostly the people that I have seen growing up were either in Self denial or Selfish. I have always come around the black and white brushes of Selfless and Selfish classification of people , the term self love was new to me in early 2000 where people were writing books about it, sharing motivation quotes on it where they were changing the game of society . for example the mothers who were going out to work leaving babies behind were called Selfish , or working daughter in laws were selfish for not taking care of in laws and house chores. Where as on the other hand , self negligence and self denial were highly appreciated and admired qualities of being an ideal woman of 70s and 90s. Unfortunately what was often seen was a selfless person surrounded by bunch of selfish people sucking his/her blood and occasionally thrown with admiration remarks and the poor one only thriving on these remarks.
Then comes the new era of people who are indulged in self love but are not selfish . They will take care of themselves and of others too . More of themselves and less of others 😉 almost negligible. They will force themselves on others because they think it is their right. They need the things that they need irrespective of situation around them. There is problem in their moral compass which fails to tell them where lies the problem. They are always just and right in their opinions , only others have done injustice to them so far. The difference between the previous era and current is the diminished paint of black and white and it is no longer easier to point finger who is selfish now. Everything has been neatly hidden under the carpet of self love without their conscious thinking.
I think the idea behind the post was not so much of rant which it turned out to be but a conclusive and educative one, to be aware of our own behavior and its impact to people around us. Where and how do we set the limit to our self love ? I am not a fan of being in self denial, we should all strive to be happy which is our right but it shouldn’t be at cost of somebody else’s happiness. Our comfort , pleasures should not be come from somebody’s discomfort . Empathy is an attribute that we all need to learn and always keep practicing it because there is never enough. There will always be situations where we will lack empathy and then we have to ask ourselves deliberately practice it. Self love is good , much needed and deserved but we need to keep an eye on our subconscious or conscious evil self that it should never become selfishness.
I often wonder
what would I do
If i can see my soul.
Like I see myself
in the mirror whole.
Could I also paint
like I do to my face .
hiding all its scars
under the base ?
Could it be ugly and poor
starved ,weak and old ?
With torn clothes ,
and skin with folds.
sobbing for help!
Hello Everyone ! I am hoping you are all doing fine in your lives and blogs 🙂 I was not so active on my blog because I didn’t have much to say. My talkative mind was sober these days with my new found hobby of painting, well not so new, painting for an year now. I am not a born artist, drawing a straight line without a scale/ruler is difficult for me but I am getting better at it, though I am good with colors, love to mix and match , I do much better at canvas , just throw in some random colors, put in my palette knife and try to bring out some abstract art, my every weekend game 🙂 Sounds fun isn’t it ?
Apart from it, I want to thank you all for following my blog and reading my posts for which I am truly grateful to Almighty that out there , are some souls reading your thoughts , connecting and responding .
The reason for today’s post: There was always one topic I wanted to write about but I never did it , always kept it for later and I think the later has come . Humour .
Humour is good , it adds an extra spark to your personality , lits the surroundings and throws in roars of laughter and keeps life light. We need humour in our lives otherwise life is too boring but have we looked beyond that light hearted humour or evaluated the cost of that half a minute’s laugh, what is the price of it, Is it expensive ,where is it coming from , who is paying the cost ? There is a darker side to it, the evil sinister side, the bad face of our society which ward offs all bad and mean things to people in name of humour and I totally hate it! Pick up any comedy show and you see our comedy is nothing but a true reflection of who we are . I remember watching The Comedy Nights with Kapil Sharma which was nothing but making fun of people , saying mean things to them just in the name of humour.The only difference was his characters were fictitious but his jokes were taken from real life situations and later these were reapplied by our young generation in their daily lives to create fun and jibes.
Is it really funny to make fun of somebody’s size and weight , their color or face, their failures or shortcomings ?
I think it is very important to lead a mindful life , to be aware of our actions and words and their impact on us and around us. Humour is good but we need to careful and watch what are we saying in name of fun . ‘ Just kidding‘ or ‘ just joking ‘ could be injurious to you and others as well. With this internet thing people are getting really creative to make memes and being funny , what if the same joke is done on you? Perhaps it could be a no issue with you, you play it game but the other might be too sensitive. Someone might be struggling with weight issues, skin issues or has a height complex , someone trying to overcome his possible shortcomings and you might just rub it in. As a human being it is our duty to live responsibly and take care of not hurting others.
A humble advice out to some cool guys out there : Stop being cool and playing a bully just in name of humour, don’t hide behind it, if you have guts say those things on a person’s face and allow him/her to smash your face.