How I started my Hijab?

Rumi (A.S) had rightly written

 “Wound is the place from which light enters !!”

We understand the meaning of these words when we have a wound big enough to crack open our hearts and let the light through in,

We are so lost in our lives  that religion often takes a backseat  until some adversities appear.Difficulties/Adversities/Wounds as they are interchangeably called are all His way of bringing us closer to Him whenever we go astray a bit too far.When a calamity befalls us ; we are ready to do anything to remove it ,to reduce our  pain and to get the strength to overcome it.

I am also a product of  addition and subtraction of such adversities , like everyone else I didn’t welcome them when they first appeared ,but now I do thank Allah , for they made me closer to my creator.As I was going through my difficult time I started thinking of what  am I doing?, What did I do to fall in such a situation?? Is it because of my sins or is it testing from Allah? Am I doing things in accordance to what I am expected?  and if yes, why is He not answering my prayers ?  and  with this very own question, I had a question for myself ,Why should He listen to my prayers, when I simply can’t even follow what he told me to do.

The time of self contemplation lasted few months,  I first  thought of wearing Hijab two years ago, I bought two scarves, started to wear them on my way to office and took it off before entering my office, I couldn’t muster the courage to wear it in public moreover in front of people who knew me, the fear of an image lost, how will I look, my hair style, what  will they think about me  and many more fears, I couldn’t win from my own  fears then and I gave up the idea of wearing Hijab.

The thorn of a battle lost  to my own devil always kept my heart sad , the grief was even more saddened when I came back to Europe where I saw girls wearing their Hijab so proudly, Seeing them everyday I had a weird feeling like I was a thief and I  had stolen something. Whenever I was praying or reading Quran, the remorse was getting stronger, I had many questions in my mind like:

  •    Am I a munafiq? Pretending to be someone else publicly and as soon as I get home, I am a muslim again.
  • When I was outside ,muslim women and men  didn’t acknowledge me, How will they ?, I didn’t look muslim!  then How will Allah acknowledge me and my Prophet on the day of judgement?
  • What am I ashamed of ? – Of being a muslim or acknowledging my religion in public ?
  • What about my Shahada that I say every time in Salah/prayer, when in reality I am not even ready to wear  Hijab, which means to acknowledge my faith publically , I am not even ready to compromise on my fake looks a little bit, Is this my testimony that I gave to  Allah and my prophet ?

I was fighting a battle inside my mind and heart everyday, I prayed to Allah during ramadan to give me guidance and peace, I  decided to talk to my fiancé about this,  He listened to all my fears and   asked me simply , ‘when do I want to start wearing my Hijab ? ‘  I said soon , He asked me ‘what if you die  tomorrow , Do you want to die without wearing your Hijab?’

My eyes were filled  up  with tears, ‘That is not how I want to be raised up in front of Allah.’, I thought.  I instantly decided in my heart to wear it from now on, so I went out to buy few Hijabs,the  basic colors first ,some pins, some headbands, Watched few tutorial on youtube, tried few styles, chose one which was easy  and suiting me and voila I was ready to go  with my Hijab, next day  to work.

I was nervous the first day , as if everyone was looking at me, but actually nobody cares, I was checking my pins all day in office washroom to check if my Hijab was in place, most of my colleagues are professional enough to show no reaction of my new look , thanks to them ,it helped me to remain calm, so the first day went pretty well.

From next day onwards I started enjoying putting my Hijab every morning, wearing it proudly and the troublesome voices in my head have faded away, I felt much more at peace to win my lost battle.

Insha Allah I will continue to put it always.

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11 thoughts on “How I started my Hijab?

  1. Shiraz

    Sana,

    You have taken a big step towards pleasing Allah and In Sha Allah, he will continue to guide you to the straight path. Nobody else’s view should matter and you should always listen and follow what your heart says in the light of the Quran.

    I think in today’s environment where the modern Muslims are being brought up, we do not talk about understanding the Quran. What we did about 2 decades back was to just read the Quran without understanding.
    But when you read and understand the Quran, you get a sense of what is required from you as a believer. Then your thoughts and mind don’t wander and you just look to invest in your Aakhirah. All these worldy pleasures do not matter.

    May Allah bless us and guide us to see the wisdom behind His commandments, so that we may follow them with more conviction!

    Thanks,
    Shiraz

    P.S. Really nice to know that you have started writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Salam Shiraz,

      Thanks for taking out time to read my blog, agreed with you completely, we are living in the era where everything is accessible to us through internet, unfortunately our parents didn’t have this privilege, they taught us or send us to learn Quran the way they learnt, we need to know what Quran says and educate them too. Yes I have started writing ;need to express myself somewhere and I hope more girls read this and get aware about Hijab and know how wonderful it is and be proud to wear it!

      Like

  2. Tundi-e- Baad-E-Mukhalif se na ghabra, ae Uqaab;

    Yeh to chalti hai tujhe uncha udane ke liye.

    Translation:

    “You don’t get frightened of these furious, violent winds, Oh Eagle!  These blow only to make you fly higher.”

    Nahin tera nasheman Qasr-e-Sultani ke gumbad par;

    Tu shahi hai, basera kar paharon ki chattano par.

    Translation:

    “You don’t have to make your nest on the dome of Queen’s palace,  Oh Eagle,  you are royal, choose to reside on the peaks of mountains.”

    Khuda tujhe kissi toofan say ashna kar de;

    Keh tere bahr ki mojon main iztirab naheen.

    Translation:

    “May God bless you with some storm!   Because the waves in your ocean (of self) are devoid of agitation (turmoil)”

    Khudi ko kar buland itna ke har taqdeer se pehle

    Khuda bande se khud pooche bata teri raza kya hai.

    *Allama iqbal*
    (Poet of the east)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Mashaallah a great step sis. The line “I was nervous the first day , as if everyone was looking at me, but actually nobody cares” is really very true. I too had experienced same lines when I started to put on hijab. May Allah accept our good deeds. Ameen

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The more hijab stories I read, the more convinced I become that, while hijab mustn’t be forced, some inspiration – even gentle pressure – from society and family is important for a woman considering hijab. I was just a hijabi tourist in a Muslim country on my first day covered. People around expressed their appreciation, and suddenly I found myself morally committed to keep my hijab on for another day. I just didn’t want to disappoint them. It was just for one more day – which proved crucial in my later decision to become full-time hijabi.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes indeed,we need that gentle push ,that admiration from people around us, may be that is reason you will find so many hijabi bloggers with their stories, we are all searching for each other to confirm and share our feelings and respect each other. My husband is also practising muslim , he supported my decision for wearing Hijab and complimented me that I look nice with it, which indeed boosted my confidence.

      Liked by 1 person

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