Life is a constant process of learning, unlearning and relearning things or ‘better things’ would be more appropriate , in order to make our and others life better. In the first 20 years of my life I was just learning things, the process was to grasp as much as possible from my surroundings and observations, there were some analytical processes in background but not much. The time after my twenties started with the unlearning process of many things I have known in wrong way, and re learning started in parallel, the struggle is ongoing and I guess it would remain the same till we are alive. We are in constant process of learning stuff and this quest should never end.
One of the things we learnt while growing up is judging things. We need to have our judgement about life, everyday situations and what we think of others. A person without an opinion is considered to be dumb at least in my society, so everyone is always expected to have an opinion about everything. Is having an opinion also a part of judgement? I think yes, otherwise how can I have an opinion about someone If I didn’t judge and how do I give my opinion ? I put other person in my shoes and think what could I have done in this case. Yes , you read it correctly I didn’t mistyped the line, I actually meant we put other person in our shoes, rather than being in his shoes because we are still judging him somewhere, the process is so much part of our thinking mechanism that even while saying not judging we are actually doing it .
What can we then do about it? Many things, first we need to constantly put a check on ourselves whenever we form an opinion, Are we judging someone based on so and so reasons? You can either agree with someone or disagree with, when you do not agree to somebody’s idea, thoughts or actions which is not in accordance to your school of thoughts, and form an opinion about it, it often end up in bad judgment. To be aware is problem half solved.
There are many ways how people handle it, the best one I have come across is a method/formula. Being an engineer, formulas goes more quickly into my head and are easier to remember. It is called DUAL method, I have put it down here for you.
DUAL Method :
Don’t pass judgment: Hold on to the urge of passing a judgement. Take some time to think.
Understand: Try to understand the situation, circumstances .Two people can react differently to same situation. Try to walk in his shoes and see through his perspective.
Accept: Accept the person with his faults, his different opinion and choices.
Love: Love the person as fellow human being, nothing can beat love and compassion.
A very good article where you can read more on this method is mentioned below:
Reference for DUAL method :http://zenhabits.net/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/