Memoirs of an Indian Wedding!

There could be a lot of observations from a friend’s or cousin’s wedding but  a family member’s wedding gives you less time to observe and look around. You are busy doing things and attending guests.My goldfish memory throws me back to some incidents from my brother’s wedding , I hope you will enjoy reading some of them.

  1. The pet peeve in any Indian wedding are the photographers and videographers following you like Sherlock Holmes, each time you escape them and think of putting something in your mouth ‘ Kaaa-chik ‘ the sound  of camera and a bright flash on you face! They are just paid to capture the worst moments! Thank God they haven’t started saying ‘Dhappi’ (  You say it word when you find the one hiding while playing Indian version of Hide and seek game)
  1. Last week I was checking some 400 pictures that our photographer clicked during the wedding and he gave us to pick our favourite ones to print. It took an hour to find one nice picture of my mother with me, where both of our eyes were not shut; we both were looking at camera and there were no screaming/yelling people behind us or kids on stage pulling down the flowers!
  1. I still couldn’t find one smiling picture of my father from an entire wedding photo mania! Is it possible he didn’t smile all four days? Or he didn’t like the guy clicking him? Or was the guy busy doing something else? My suspicions still on until you read point 5.
  1. You cannot be a bride in India if you haven’t done those silly looking bridal poses starting from displaying your cupped hands full of henna, holding on to your veil and looking down at your dress and then  those cheek to cheek close up poses with mother and mother in laws .
  1. Suddenly a close family friend tells you he has to leave early during wedding, and you are looking for the photographer to get your picture clicked with the leaving guest, much to your amusement you find him busy bird watching near the bunch of beautiful damsels! Once you screech at him to break his daydreaming, He follows you slyly and shyly.
  1. Some people pulling you up onstage to take pictures with them while others pushing you down because you are spoiling their pictures .
  1. Once you are entering the Marriage Venue with your dearest brother and all cameras are focussed on you! Then suddenly you hear a voice of some Uncle ‘ Sana Beta kaisi ho ‘ (How are you Sana). Please Uncle you chose the wrong moment! I just did a quick Salam and kept moving. Once I got free to look around my Wrong Moment Uncle, he has suddenly disappeared; maybe he is new batman and went on his mission to rescue people!
  1. Once you found a place to start eating among back to back packed guests in a wedding hall, You feel a moment of victory ! Then suddenly your father appears and tells you to hurry up and follow him. His best friend wants to see you! Halfway catching up  your father’s quick steps , your mother catches you and  start pulling you her way ,your hand held captive  in her hand,  and complaining ‘where were you ? My best friend wants to see you and she is leaving , hurry! ‘
  1. Everyone busy eating except Dulha (bridegroom) and Dulhan (bride)  , starving at their own wedding!  The showstoppers of the event get to eat the last .
  1. One of your guests complains that an ‘Aunty’ is stealing food from wedding. Every middle aged woman is referred to an Aunty in India either you know her or not or you are not related to her . I was curious to see the thief and catch her red handed! , while ‘Aunty’ keep pretending to serve food to guests and then shoves down the plates full of Kebabs in her big packet! Of course I knew the aunty, a distant relative! What can one say then! Please take more Aunty!! You can feed your neighbours with it because everyone I know in your family until your grandchild is present at the wedding!

33 thoughts on “Memoirs of an Indian Wedding!

  1. A writer from the East

    LOL. You have essentially captured the whole south asia’s wedding culture in this post, laughing my head off and you made a brutal Monday suddenly lighter. Tell me something aren’t weddings also full of shark aunties i.e rishta wale aunties that are preying on all single under 30 and so on??!! On this side no wedding is complete without that side drama 😉
    P.S:those escapades of the camera wala are endless and timeless! 😛

    Liked by 2 people

      1. A writer from the East

        Yes they are having same flavor, essentially just little differences due to religion otherwise dhool baaja baraat fun lasts around a week and also to mention rishta wali aunties prowl around. P.S: have been to an Indian wedding of my cousin inside India and also another one of my Hindu friend from Mumbai and was so happy to note how much we have in common despite our religious differences.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. “सिगरेट” की तरह “शादी के कार्ड” पर भी
    वैधानिक चेतावनी लिखी होनी चाहिए
    शादी आपकी ज़िन्दगी के लिए
    “घातक” सिद्ध हो सकती है

    Just a joke
    Not against institution of marriage

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Shiraz

    While reading your posts, all the images ran thru my mind as jolted down by you. I could relate to “what it’s like to be in one’s brother’s marriage.
    Congratulations on umair’s wedding.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. and I haven’t been to a spanish wedding ! but have lived in spain for some time and have lot of latino friends and I can relate many things to Indian culture like late night dinners ,shops opened until 10 pm .. some restaurants all nights..people are more friendly and bit louder ..;-)

        Liked by 2 people

  4. This is a hilarious post. I have always wondered what the families do once the wedding gets over and everyone goes back home. I suppose sorting through the millions of weddings photographs (including from smartphones and amateur cameras) must be a good way to pass time.

    This one time I went to the wedding of my friend’s sister. He owns a DSLR camera and is quite good with it too. Even though they had hired a professional photographer, he felt that demonstrating his talent at his sister’s wedding was of paramount importance. I suppose he underestimated the “eating and stealing problems (point no. 10)” that can arise at weddings. Anyway, soon he was busy balancing making weird angry faces at the thieves and fake smiling at the guests. As a result, I was the one entrusted with the responsibility of capturing the best moments of the happy occasion. It was frankly quite boring and very annoying because aunties would assume you are the hired photographer (as the actual one is busy doing point no. 5) and make you click endless photos for their endless stream of relatives. So to relieve my anger, I took a seat at the back and only clicked pictures of empty chairs. And whenever any aunty would call me, I would say “low battery.”

    Liked by 2 people

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