Memoirs of an Indian Wedding!

There could be a lot of observations from a friend’s or cousin’s wedding but  a family member’s wedding gives you less time to observe and look around. You are busy doing things and attending guests.My goldfish memory throws me back to some incidents from my brother’s wedding , I hope you will enjoy reading some of them.

1. The pet peeve in any Indian wedding are the photographers and videographers following you like Sherlock Holmes, each time you escape them and think of putting something in your mouth ‘ Kaaa-chik ‘ the sound  of camera and a bright flash on you face! They are just paid to capture the worst moments! Thank God they haven’t started saying ‘Dhappi’ (  You say it word when you find the one hiding while playing Indian version of Hide and seek game)

2. Last week I was checking some 400 pictures that our photographer clicked during the wedding and he gave us to pick our favourite ones to print. It took an hour to find one nice picture of my mother with me, where both of our eyes were not shut; we both were looking at camera and there were no screaming/yelling people behind us or kids on stage pulling down the flowers!

3. I still couldn’t find one smiling picture of my father from an entire wedding photo mania! Is it possible he didn’t smile all four days? Or he didn’t like the guy clicking him? Or was the guy busy doing something else? My suspicions still on until you read point 5.

4. You cannot be a bride in India if you haven’t done those silly looking bridal poses starting from displaying your cupped hands full of henna, holding on to your veil and looking down at your dress and then  those cheek to cheek close up poses with mother and mother in laws .

5. Suddenly a close family friend tells you he has to leave early during wedding, and you are looking for the photographer to get your picture clicked with the leaving guest, much to your amusement you find him busy bird watching near the bunch of beautiful damsels! Once you screech at him to break his daydreaming, He follows you slyly and shyly.

6. Some people pulling you up onstage to take pictures with them while others pushing you down because you are spoiling their pictures .

7. Once you are entering the Marriage Venue with your dearest brother and all cameras are focussed on you! Then suddenly you hear a voice of some Uncle ‘ Sana Beta kaisi ho ‘ (How are you Sana). Please Uncle you chose the wrong moment! I just did a quick Salam and kept moving. Once I got free to look around my Wrong Moment Uncle, he has suddenly disappeared; maybe he is new batman and went on his mission to rescue people!

8. Once you found a place to start eating among back to back packed guests in a wedding hall, You feel a moment of victory ! Then suddenly your father appears and tells you to hurry up and follow him. His best friend wants to see you! Halfway catching up  your father’s quick steps , your mother catches you and  start pulling you her way ,your hand held captive  in her hand,  and complaining ‘where were you ? My best friend wants to see you and she is leaving , hurry! ‘

9. Everyone busy eating except Dulha (bridegroom) and Dulhan (bride)  , starving at their own wedding!  The showstoppers of the event get to eat the last .

10. One of your guests complains that an ‘Aunty’ is stealing food from wedding. Every middle aged woman is referred to an Aunty in India either you know her or not or you are not related to her . I was curious to see the thief and catch her red handed! , while ‘Aunty’ keep pretending to serve food to guests and then shoves down the plates full of Kebabs in her big packet! Of course I knew the aunty, a distant relative! What can one say then! Please take more Aunty!! You can feed your neighbours with it because everyone I know in your family until your grandchild is present at the wedding!