I often have thoughts about writing on Marriage and Relationships but I always keep postponing since I think myself a novice at advising people who are already married for years but I think I am experienced enough for newly married people or people going to be married soon .
Marriage is a wonderful bond where two people come forward with a shared thought of spending rest of their lives together .Both of them have already a set of expectations from each other .The main reason of conflict among newlyweds is often Higher Expectations which lead to loss of trust and interest in married life which has just begun . We all live inside our bubble world of dreams, we have an image of our future spouse in our minds how he/she would be, how their behavior should be with us in our perfect ideal world
life is different so is every individual , Coming face to face with reality is a tough ride , how you take this ride and degree of your acceptance to it defines your future married life.The way you have lived your life until now is different from how he/She has been living so far.Coming together under one roof after spending almost half of your life somewhere else is already a big move in itself.
Marriage is not only about getting new clothes, deciding wedding albums and choosing honeymoon destinations . Marriage is a big responsibility of your own self towards another.Thanks to TV, Media for setting all wrong expectations in our minds especially for girls that a prince charming will come to take us away and we then say bye bye to all our life long problems.Life will be fun ! eating, shopping and merry making ever after. Sorry to say that , it only happens on TV and in stories.
The natural behavior of man and woman has lot more differences than you have actually read or thought about, and this you experience once you start living with your partner. Women are more emotional, more talkative and yearning for expressions of love from their husbands! Men on the other hand are practical human race who have a set of things of to do everyday, wife also becomes a part of routine and the special something becomes everyday thing (my own thoughts ). It is not that he doesn’t love you now or you’re not special person in his life, this is how he is! Expressing as we expect them to is not at all man’s thing! TV and phones are their inseparable sweethearts. A daily tiring work routine completely takes off their energy to be so excited to see you in evening or talk to you incessantly! A good meal is preferred over rant about in laws or maids or life in general.
How do we women take it ? It often start with small complains first and then these complains become arguments leading to fights and soon a loving new couple finds themselves amidst a fight every now and then.
- I think first thing to do is never ever involve any of your parents in your fights. Solve it between you two.
- If you think a discussion is leading into a heated argument, where one of you is losing temper, Stop it there. Tell him/her to discuss it when their mood is better. There is no point talking to an angry person who has no power to rationalize things.
- Living by example, show your partner how you would like to be treated ,treat them that special way, First Give and then expect .
- Find some common activity to spend time with each other like cooking together, taking a walk outside or praying together .
- Don’t force yourself on other person for things she/he doesn’t like.Respect their choices and opinions.
- Don’t forget to celebrate the differences ! Of course we are not mirror images, there will always be differences but it should never come to our hearts.Once in while try to do things your partner likes to make him/her feel special. Wear their favorite color, cook or bring their favorite food.
- Watch your tone while talking to your partner, we often take each other for granted . A well mannered tone with respectful words for putting your point could never lead to a fight.
- Every human being has flaws ,our spouses and us are no exception either. We need to accept their flawed real version than the perfect version from our dreams .We have to overlook each other’s mistakes and retain the sweetness of love.
- Give it time, time is best therapy. Marriage too needs time like everything else. You would be soon well adjusted with each other’s way of life and know each other like nobody ever did.