Self Love or Selfishness ?

I have often wondered about the difference between Self Love and Selfishness. How much of self love is okay and when does it become selfishness. Mostly the people that I have seen growing up were either in Self denial or Selfish. I have always come around the black and white brushes of Selfless and Selfish classification of people , the term  self love was new to me in early 2000 where people were writing books about it, sharing motivation quotes on it where they were changing the game of society . for example the mothers who were going out to work leaving babies behind were  called Selfish , or working daughter in laws were selfish for not taking care of in laws and house chores. Where as on the other hand , self negligence and self denial were highly appreciated and admired qualities of being an ideal woman of 70s and 90s. Unfortunately what was often seen was a selfless person surrounded by bunch of selfish people sucking his/her blood and occasionally thrown with admiration remarks  and the poor one only thriving on these remarks.

Then comes the new era of people who are indulged in self love but are not selfish . They will take care of themselves and of others too . More of themselves and less of others 😉  almost negligible. They will force themselves on others because they think it is their right. They need the things that they need irrespective of situation around them. There is problem in their moral compass which fails to tell them where lies the problem. They are always just and right in their opinions , only others have done injustice to them so far. The difference between the previous era and current is the diminished paint of black and white and it is no longer easier to point finger who is selfish now. Everything has been neatly hidden under the carpet of self love without their conscious thinking.

I think the idea behind the post was not so much of rant which it turned out to be  but a conclusive and educative one,  to be aware of our own behavior and its impact to people around us. Where and how  do we set the limit to our self love ? I am not a fan of being in self denial, we should all strive to be happy which is our right but it shouldn’t be at cost of somebody else’s happiness. Our comfort , pleasures should not be come from somebody’s discomfort . Empathy is an attribute that we all need to learn and always keep  practicing it because there is never enough. There will always be situations where we will lack empathy and then we have to ask ourselves deliberately  practice it. Self love is good , much needed and deserved but we need to keep an eye on our subconscious or conscious evil self that it should never become selfishness.


19 thoughts on “Self Love or Selfishness ?

  1. I feel like self love is an integral part of life for the coming generation, (what with social media and all), we need to find that love within ourself, so that we would be able to resist when people try to break us down.
    But like you said, that love should never come at the expense of another person.


    1. Thank You Ameena Sis 🙂 How have you been ? Hope all is good at your side of the world . I havent thought about that kind of self love , thank you for your comment and insight. Indeed we need that self love to protect us from breaking down.


  2. I used to question the same thing until I engaged in self-growth and found the true meaning of what it means to love yourself. Loving yourself has nothing to do with other people at all. It means more to recognize yourself and your worth and to stand up for yourself when anyone disrespects you.
    Acts of self love I believe are that of self care, such as spending time alone with yourself doing whatever your heart desires. It is never at the cost of someone else’s happiness or well-being. That is when it becomes or rather is plain selfishness because self-love is a journey that is all about self-care and self-growth, one that requires just yourself.
    Simply engaging in acts or recognizing your flaws and attempting to improve yourself is what self-love means to me. It is not about choosing to go to work and leaving your baby with a sitter, because “you come first.” Anyone who believes self-love to be that has it completely wrong. I do believe self-love is to prioritize yourself but in ways that you recognize your mistakes and improve yourself in retrospect. You look at the bigger picture and overall choose to engage in acts that align with your values and walk away from things that don’t.
    It is definitely a choice one that is not lessened by doing things for others but by failing to help yourself and do things for yourself when you need it. Just like our choice in happiness, which also doesn’t lessen if we choose to make others happy but it is lessened if we don’t choose the same happiness for ourselves. I believe selfishness means you see helping yourself and helping others as an “either or” choice and you choose to only help yourself.


    1. Thank you Zara for your elaborated comment . I think that is the beauty of blogging, I get to connect and exchange thoughts with wonderful people like you ! I have completely forgotten about the real self love , thanks for reminding me . Self love is deep and spiritual and it makes us strong . We all need to know the real meaning behind self love.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you! And I couldn’t have agreed more, I always love responding to other people!
        Self-love really does make us strong among many other things! I highly encourage everyone to engage in self-love and self-growth! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Such important questions, Sana. It’s a dilemma so many women face as the primary caregivers for others – children, partners, and elders. It’s often the job they do in “the paid labor market,” too, for less pay and lower status. Self-care is difficult for so many of the reasons you listed, but one cannot continue to give to others if their spirits and bodies are unhealthy. It’s difficult to balance competing priorities, and easier to escape into martyrdom or feelings of me-first entitlement.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Carol , I always learn from your comments ,they speak with the experience you have . The efforts of women in general at home and outside quantified or not are less paid and valued. There was an interesting comment made by another Blogger Zara, She said Self love is not superficial , it is rooted deep into soul ,when you truly start caring for your soul, that is true self love!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m glad you wrote about this.
    Often I find myself thinking about this too..
    How we end up leaning on one side entirely to the point where it simply isn’t healthy anymore.
    I often have to remind myself to maintain that balance..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Such a fine line between the two… I often wonder about good deeds, are they selfish or selfless. Essentially on some level we do good to feel good. Does that make us selfish…


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