A Day Dreamer's Diary
How do I
name this feeling
Of avoid
Of escape
From my own self.
Fearing to stand
in front of myself.
Where it is
me against me.
Where the other
asks the account
of life’s each day !
Of life’s each moment.
And I haven’t a penny
Of any worthy actions
to fill up the wasted
baskets of time.
Life is running
out of time!
These moments
are evaporating.
Stronger I try to hold
faster they slip
out of my hands
Like the grains
of a hot sand
on a summer
Saharan afternoon .
Lost in the ocean of people
So many around but none.
The emptiness surrounds
And I ask am I the only one ?
I distract myself
to this ongoing world.
Faking a smile and
sometimes a laugh .
Daily chores and work
Is only an escape a getaway
from my constant wandering
in jungle of thoughts.
I come back home
Tired and bored.
Only to find myself
waiting on the doors!
These constant winter skies
Hanging above, so grey
The dull houses sadly sits
With nothing to say.
The angry wind dances
shaking the dull branches .
Naked trees stand appalled
And the last leaves fall.
(The picture was taken in Dusseldorf Germany)
آج فر کسی كے جانے کی خبر آئی
دِل کی دُنیا میں فر اداسی چھائی
رو رہے تھے جب ہم غیروں کو
کسی اپنے كے جانے کی تب خبر آئی
موت ہے یقینا یہ جانتا ہو میں بھی
یوں تیرے اک دم جانے کی بے یقینی ہے
وہ ملنا تجھ سے یوں آخری ہو گا
وہ مسکرا کر دیکھنا بھی
وہ آگے بڑھ کر دعاؤں دینا
وہ بے لوث کی محبت
بس یادوں میں سب کی یوں
قید ہو جاؤگے سوچا نا تھا
English Transliteration, if you can’t read Urdu.
Aaj fir kisi ke jane ki khabar aayi
dil ki duniya mein fir udaasi chaayi
Ro rahe they jab hum ghairon ko
Kisi apne ke jane ki tab khabar ayi.
Maut hai yaqeenan ye janta hu mai bhi
Yun tere ek dum jane ki be yaqeeni hai.
Wo milna tujhse yun aakhri hoga
Wo muskurakar dekhna bhi
Wo aage badhkar duaaen dena
Wo belaus ki mohabbat !
Bas Yaadon mein sabki yun
kaid ho jaoge Socha na tha.
Seems like the death has declared a war on us, and the first ones to go are the good people. I see people dying in war,hunger and then we have these sudden deaths happening around shaking us to the roots and souls. Recently I lost an uncle of mine, my mother’s cousin and the whole family is still in complete shock , he suffered a massive silent heart attack and died in his sleep. He was not ill or suffering from any other health problem nor was he that old , basically there is no defined logic for death when and why it will choose you ! so nothing rules the logic except the Divine Decree that is what we believe in as muslims, when there is the time to go , you go. Everyone around you adapts to not having you around anymore and try hard to cling on to their memories to keep you there forever.
He was a great soul, a completely social human being, loving everyone around him , especially the kids of family, no matter which chain of hierarchy you fall in , He will connect with you and bond you instantly. His voice, his mannerism , his sense of humor , all created his charisma which we will miss forever now. A progressive muslim who was always encouraging the girls of the family to study further and be independent. In fact he used to come back to keep a check and even remind you “Never forget your goal in life, life is short , time is running and success is far” . One of the lines from his last message he sent to me in September.
May Allah accept our prayers and grant him in Jannah and give peace to his soul.
I wish Mamu I could have said this when you were alive, Never thought you would leave us so soon. You left us with a feeling of regret we couldn’t tell you how important you were for us and how much we loved you.
I see the depart of great souls
From this world, one after the other.
people bereft , confused and sad
each one more than another.
Without leaders, without their guides.
Without beckons for the path to abide.
The intelligentsia getting replaced by fools
The just and kind, by the cruel and blinds.
The darkness is following,
The Candles blowing off quickly.
The sadness is following,
The happiness blowing off quickly.
Behold O dear heart, Beat slowly!
Hold on to the faith and walk steadfastly.
Hold on to the prayer and pray generously.
Hold on to this journey to pass it with ease.
( This poem is dedicated to all the great souls I have seen leaving us in last few months, especially the news from yesterday of Maulana Junaid Jamshed’s death has left me sad, May Allah grant him Jannah and his soul rest in Peace . Aameen )
Often a thought
passes my mind
What if this existence
is not real?
This body, this breath
and touch is nothing
but what I see in a dream.
And I will wake up
Somewhere as oblivious
as I am now of
where I am sleeping.
A rich man waking up poor
And the poor will be rich.
Some will thank for
The dream is over
While others will cry
for their dream is wasted
in chasing a mirage.
Inspired by Rumi’s Masnawi , was reading his famous quote while this poem happened in my mind .
This place is a dream. Only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn, and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief.
I was thinking you were just here
and I was told it was last year,
you will be here soon .
worried I was , how would I fast
With my ailments year past.
And then you arrived with a smile
The first day I struggled hard
I felt weak, sluggish and tired.
And with each passing day
I started to feel more healed.
to my surprise this body survived
long hours without food and water.
my soul fed , nourished and better.
thoughts clearer , with a smile on my face
I could work normal and sometimes aced.
A better person I strived to be
and a better Muslim all these days.
when I now felt completely
absorbed ,Only to know
you are to be leaving soon!
I wish when you arrive next year
O my Dearest Ramadan I hope
You will find me the way
you are leaving me today .
Insha Allah.
“A writer is one who is constantly looking for his inspiration in everything he feels and come across” (My Hijab Diaries)
The colors of the sunset sky
Becomes my inspiration
And sometimes it is the sea.
While walking down
those landscapes
Seeing but not seeing
Opens up my inner eye!
These songs of birds too
Comfort my aching soul
Sometimes.
Sometimes talking to people
Sometimes talking to myself
I find my inspiration to write!
And both of them can’t
Help sometimes either.
Difficult it is as it is easy
For a writer to find an inspiration.
(Taken at Kinderdijk Windmills Netherlands 5/5/16)
(Ping Back -> https://silverthreading.com/2016/06/01/wqwwc-writers-quote-wednesday-writing-challenge-inspiration/ )
Pain in the heart
sits heavy on chest
Making it difficult,
To take my breath.
The mind gets helpless,
my feelings reason less
stuck in a woe,
I silently wonder
How much of myself
I still don’t know.
with time gone by ,
hands enough burnt
and lessons learnt ,
to adjust my sail.
I no longer wail
when it pains.
They say ,
all which arrives us
is from beyond.
So is this pain.
A gift ,a cleanser
to clean my soul.
Like a child,
I sit and watch ,
like a mother she
Washes and cleans,
Also rants how dirty
Have I made it again?
It hurts when she rubs
rough and tightly scrubs.
but when she is gone
i can feel my soul
like a newly born
smiling and shining .
( This picture is from last summers from a park in Brussels, the reflections in water represents more our inner state, like a clear water reflects better so does our souls and the two swans represents inner and outer self )
The winds were strong ,
sky covered with clouds.
Heavy rain ripped apart
thick blanket of leaves,
were once my shield.
Thunders shrieked loud
so close to my face ,
My eyes tight shut
and heart beated fast.
With wings all drenched
I felt heavy and tired.
All night I tried hard
to keep clinging on
those rustic branches .
All I could recall
it was an angry storm
which blew away
my nest that day!
(life is a ride of ups and downs , Gaining and losing. Every difficulty in life teaches us something, we might have lost a lot on the way but we have survived and every survivor has a story , a story to tell and motivate others. These small birds in the picture above inspired me to write this poem, they were swinging happily on the branches yesterday in front of my window though the picture looks sad , captured on camera right on time by my husband )
