Coping with life one day at a time

Writing Bug

The price of wisdom often comes at loss of our naivety ,our innocence, the trust in life and people. I do miss my old self sometimes, but I am more happier and at peace with my current self.
I was so upset at myself for long, for being so naive , so innocent that I actually called myself stupid when I took people at their face value : the face , the emotions , and the concerns they showed me and not the ones they really had.
I still do it though and I must admit I am still learning to cope up with the hurt I do get time to time, but that’s the part of me , of who I am, I trust people easily. Some of them put their trust back , others didn’t, some even use it.
I have learnt that what others do is definitely not my problem , I am only responsible to manage myself to safeguard my heart ,to preserve my sanity. I have stopped reading between the lines. I have stopped analyzing what others actually meant when they threw a taunt, a frown at me or purposefully ignore me to make me feel unimportant.
All this affected me in past, gave me anxiety and nervousness but not anymore.
I still trust people, I still go out of my way to help people, I still am genuinely happy for others, I will forever keep motivating people in spite of any of their behavior that affected me in past or present.
I have entrusted all my actions to Almighty that whatever good I do is for his sake only and not for any human being. I still get hurt but intensity is much less now.
How do you deal with it , would love to know your coping mechanism ?

December Introspection Series Part 1

The time of the year has arrived when city is all decked up with lights and people are out enjoying food , shopping and Christmas markets. 2020 brings none of that .
Last year this Month I was booking my holidays for 2020 , my flight for India was booked , and I was booking my holiday trips to Istanbul and Budapest, some of my colleagues were discussing about a virus in China which has infected one city and it just hopped my one ear and skipped the other . Never would have I thought that it would change our lives in this way and for some forever those who lost their loved ones to this deadly virus.
I think we were all living in a cloud and this virus has shook us back to reality..I was watching series where there is speedster who can time travel , space travel, go to other earths and then reality hit so hard when we actually saw a pandemic and a crisis actually looks like ( don’t want to recall the horrors of Indian lockdown where thousands of migrant workers were stuck , temporary displaced, lost jobs, many lost lives not only because of corona but due to hunger , poverty and depression ) and with all advancement we have made in medical science we realized it takes time to develop a vaccine.

Coming back to my trips , they were all cancelled and I was stuck in India for 3 months in the lockdown.( That story deserve s another full post )
Have my goals for 2020 met : honestly speaking I don’t even remember or care what even were they. I am just so glad to be alive , healthy in my home with all amenities and my loved ones too
Alhumdolillah and shukran Allah for that.

Self help Diaries -1

I sometimes write to find answers to questions my mind is baffled with. I don’t know how many of you do it but it definitely works for me.Words waiting inside to be released , to be unleased. Answers buried deep down my subconscious, waiting to be found, to be discovered.

Constantly worrying over something? something consuming you? Write about it ! Some things need to be said and you need to be released from being their prisoner. I am constantly worrying for people who don’t worry ! Sounds strange ? Let me complete the sentence then, I am constantly worried about people who don’t worry about themselves and about others , who live mindlessly who don’t care for their and others’s future. This thing worries me. Infact it terrifies me.

I just take a pause then and take an aerial view of myself outside my body looking at my worried self. And I start by asking questions ? Am I responsible for them ? am I their provider ? Have I done my bit today? What more can I do ? If there is nothing else I can do I need to stop worrying there and then. Take few deep breaths and say a prayer for them and myself.

O Lord of the universe! the one and only ! who is complete and perfect ! guide me and guide them.Secure their and my future here on earth and in the hereafter .Teach us to live wisely and mindfully and be grateful and thankful for all what we have. Educate us and remove the darkness within our souls and fill it with your light.

Ameen.

When Life jibes !

Life has been taking few jibes over me since I lost my bag and everything important with it . Some of the funny ones I  remember are shared here :

  • Walking through your favorites stores without card or enough money, that too during sales season  and for a week ( almost killed me 😦 )
  • Laptop Charger got broken  (  we have a saying in hindi  ‘ Ghareebi mei aata Geela’  which literally translates to ‘ During Poverty you got your flour wet’ , that sounds foolish but it means  ‘In adversity everything turns bad’  )
  • You have a guest at home  expecting the best hospitality  and  you have limited cash.
  • You want to eat at a restaurant and then  the cashier tells you you they don’t accept credit card ! You come out with a sad face and broken heart.  Sigh** 
  • Beggars coming to you and asking for coins and how you wish you can tell them they have more in their bowl/cup  than you in your pocket!

Jokes apart,  I have received my debit card yesterday , life is coming back to normal again . Thanks everyone for your love , concerns and sharing your experiences with me .

There is an old age saying Whatever happens happens for good , it is true to an extent that we always have  learnings and awakenings from the darkest moments of our lives. I actually lived the difference between what we need and what we want in life in the last week. For example I want an Iphone or Samsung Galaxy S6 but my requirements can be fulfilled with a J5 or even lesser expensive one. I just need a smartphone which has decent features and suits my  budget so I picked up one such phone. Another example , We decided to do our grocery with what we need for a week to survive: some fruits, veggies, milk  ,eggs , oil and bread . It wasn’t expensive compared to my normal grocery tours where I spend hours musing and a heavy amount and then come back with everything not in my shopping list .The human needs are simple and affordable , they don’t force  you to go out of the way to have them. It is our desires , social pressure and inner complexes. Although there is part of world population which is struggling to meet their basic needs ,  the discussion here is for people who can easily afford them and are still struggling with their wants and  like to have which ultimately turns them unhappy  and demotivated.

I think the best life is a minimalist’s life,  just take care of what you need and leave the rest for others. Life will become easy and more peaceful. Another thing to add to my to list of 2017, incorporating the minimalist’s approach .

Have a nice weekend everyone !

quotes1

 

Writer’s Quote Wednesday-Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

To-be-yourself-in-a

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I dedicate the above quote to my pensive mood today , as you already know I am a self-obsessed person, why to be so harsh on self-judgment? Because I write everything related to the inner self, heart, soul and self-journey 🙂

Jokes apart I do admit sometimes I get lost in my own thoughts so much to the limit that another person might feel ignored or not cared. I am still learning to balance this Selfishness of mine.

Love this quote from Emerson. It is a great accomplishment indeed to be ‘Yourself’, but what is it, being myself ? , I am already adjusted twisted adapted so much, I hardly have any thought of being myself. Life is changing me everyday and I am constantly learning  but what is it that resonates from inside with this quote? Perhaps I would see it as not giving in to the peer or social pressures to anything which doesn’t abide with my morals and principles.

If everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean  you have to do it too or it is good for you as well, if you don’t like it, you don’t like it, that’s it .You just to need to say it. It all makes things so much easy instead of giving in to pressure of people and then regretting it from inside.

It is also a cultural issue in India where saying NO is almost a sin thus makes life more difficult, I am always struggling to find a way to politely refuse the answers of personal questions so normally asked or the favours asked which doesn’t fit into apt category or invitation for things I am not interested in or the talks that are of my least interest. I always try my best not to offend the other party  but on other hand I see people doing all sort of weird stuff , also being rude to others and then  labelling it with  ‘Be Yourself ‘ and quoting with it such great quotes. I wonder what would be the reaction of   Emersion to such misuse of his quote 🙂 or it might be other way round too if my interpretation is totally wrong! 😛

in Response to weekly Quotes Sharing at SilverThreading.com

 http://silverthreading.com/2015/05/06/writers-quote-wednesday-the-buddha/

 

Writer’s Quote Wednesday-Malcolm X

For Wednesday Ritual Quotation , I chose this quote from Malcolm X, inspired from his autobiography that I started reading a month back but didn’t finish it yet, I am more busy in blogging these days and reading posts from WordPress Reader than  my own  list.

Malcolm X was a strong leader with a great vision,unfortunately he didn’t live long enough to write many books but what he left is worth reading! It somehow gives me that strength that I am looking for,his words are empowering which compels for  the need of self-respect and most essential ,everyone’s right to freedom! . He lived for it and died for it.

Most of his quotes are about freedom and equality , I really like this one as it showed his empathetic side and greater understanding for human nature!

Dont-be-in-a-hurry-to

We should not be in  a hurry to blame others or categorize people into good or bad just because they are  doing things differently than us or they don’t  do what we do , or  think like we think .We do not know the ground realities what has shaped their behavior and  personality.People do change with time even if they are doing something wrong today, they might correct it tomorrow. Some learn things faster and others take time to understand and implement  in their lives ,but the fact is everyone is on a learning process .What we were few years before, We are not the same person anymore.Allah has guided us ,to be wiser and a better human being( from example of people around me, I see them learning and evolving or at least making an effort ),

If I form an opinion about a person that he/she is bad based on their thoughts/actions today ,  I am forming a barrier between me and them. I am restricting myself  to  love or be kind to them as I do for others who agree with my thought. Of-course, I do not wish evil for them but somehow in a deeper sense of being an equal in  creation I am violating my basic principle of treating  others well., or if I am being nice to them on outside ,do not like to make people feel bad, my heart is still not with my behavior.It is our perception  about them which stop us from being good to them,inside out.

So don’t give in to the urge of categorizing people in your mind, be kind to everyone and be nice , it is part of being you ! You might meet them tomorrow as better people or not,Allah knows.Do not make your behavior a reflection of theirs, because it is your OWN precious possession that you will carry forever.

(In response to Writers Quote Wednesday event held every Wednesday on Silver Threading, Link->)

Where is your curiosity leading you ?

Well ,Had not been Newton curious enough we would never  have known why apple falls downwards and not upwards, Curiosity is a great thing, it has led us  to reason,to know and eventually to grow.

I see curious people everywhere , meet them every now and then, offline and online.

No no, my post is not about differently curious people like Newton but generally curious people around us, who are always curious to know what is happening in others life , What are rest of the people  doing ? Spying around more than intelligent services.

BeingCurious_MEME

Some very normal questions in India –

If you are unmarried , so when are you getting married ??

If you are married, when are you giving us good news for the baby?

If you are student, when will you get your results ? Your marks?

That was the  funny part, but problem arises when you start asking  intimidating questions which has nothing to do with you .

for example:

You know that someone is looking for a job, why  ask him about his job every time you see him ?

You know she never talks about her husband or in laws, why to ask her about them You never know what she is hiding behind her silence.

If someone shared  his wedding pictures, to tell  him/her

‘I thought you were already married ‘or

‘ I think I saw your wedding pictures  before as well,’

until he/she tells(actually yells at)  you ,‘Yes I got divorced and am married again,’

‘Oh I am sorry,’  

No,  he/she doesn’t need your sorry, You already did your job of hurting that person.Just be more kind, empathetic and sensitive.You never have to be sorry then.

Sending messages to someone you never talked in years just to know something about him/her that you heard from someone aka confirming the rumors??

Asking questions  starting with ”If you don’t mind ?? or ending up with a hehehe..”   If you think he/she  will mind,Why to ask? and It is not funny even with a ‘hehehe’ !

Why to become so insensitive  just to feed your curiosity?

( Disclaimer : It is not for anyone specific.Many of us do get curious and might end up  hurting others unintentionally , For everyone who reads it, It is ‘you’ asking your inner self and not  Me as writer 😀 !)

We are all guilty of doing it sometimes to feed our curiosities, Just think for a while, before asking a personal question to someone .

Could it hurt some one?  if  Yes! better not ask it.

Do I need this information, What do I have to do with this information about him/her ? If your answer is nothing , better not ask it.

Dealing with Failures

The pain of failure is always more than the happiness of success!

my_insta

We all have failed in our lives sometimes  and we have succeeded in many things, but the thing that keeps aching in our hearts is the failure ,that one thing we couldn’t achieve ! ,

The joy of achieving  is momentarily and the pain of losing  is stronger ,it has more impact and  stays longer.It could be  one of the reasons why most of us get depressed so easily and prefer to remain sad  than being happy!

But we all know,  all good things will  not happen everyday , each day will not be a perfect day , we can plan things ,work hard , spend our money for it  but nothing can ensure the success of our plans .

So what do we do when we fail or our plans fail apart from feeling angry,sad or even giving up ??

First ,We need to calm down and think what is bothering us ,

  • Our efforts gone wasted ?
  • Our money involved?
  • Low Self esteem?feeling low ?
  • Feeling ‘shame’ to tell it to people around?
  • Pressure from family or society ?

We need to know what is bothering us so we can find a solution ,

The effort and time are lost , well we have always learnt something while trying, Something which has added to our knowledge and experience  is never a loss.We know it now,what could  have been done extra to get it ,so  try again with more efforts and a better approach  to give your best shot.

Money is wasted, we could have done something else with it, it was our hard earned money, well what if the things were succeeded, would we have thought it this way? No, we always have to take into account the risk factor,should  be prepared for it, the best blessing is we are alive today and we  can earn it again!  We don’t have to waste our days (which are in fact portions of life) to mourn over it.Life in itself is more precious than to be wasted being sad about these failures.

Feeling low or unworthy: When we fail,we all feel low or unworthy of ourselves, we feel less fortunate  than others and less capable .We need to know we are all  similar but not same, our capabilities ,strengths ,weaknesses,they all vary and so do our interests.Comparing  yourself to someone who could do  some ‘x’ thing so easily or perfectly is not right, it could be his strong point and your weak point, We can always overcome our weaknesses by our efforts and will power to do the things.

Losing is a shame in most of the societies , we are shy to tell people that we failed or we couldn’t do it, Winning is a parameter of evaluating the respect to be given to us .People surrounding us add more to the grief by constantly asking about it. There are some,who even lost their confidence and  never bounced back ,well we do not have to be one of them. Losing is not shame, it is a symbol of being courageous to have tried what you wanted to do , you are not a winner today but tomorrow you can be !

We as muslims are always hopeful for the mercy of Allah, Everything is possible for Allah(‘Kun fayakun’ as it is said in Quran, He says Be and it is)  but He also  asks you to make an effort for it.The door is open , we need to make an effort to look out.Success or failure everything comes from Him as test or as gift  or as a rescue we never know.He knows Best.

So next time if you fail, don’t lose hope neither should you feel low,

Think about what is troubling you , and act upon it.

if you want to take another chance ,go for it.

You thought you gave your best , and there are no more chances to take!  then let it go, Some things are not meant to be . Leave them there, trust Allah and move ahead.Some better things must be waiting  for you on your way Insha Allah.