How do we preserve the Self and all the hard work done on it.

Working on your self is a never ending process, There is never a moment when you can say hey that’s enough and I no longer need to work on myself any further, even maintaining a status quo needs work otherwise all that hard work will be gone.
Accepting your self with all your realities is hardest thing.
I am saying here Realities because the  faults or error that you see on your physical self are so relative to your perception, your thoughts at that moment , experiences in life.
But once you have passed that self acceptance test, comes another test.
When you are in self care mode, happy in being yourself, sitting relaxed with your guards down , someone might just say you something that you feel those shards of words digging deep into the skin..hurting so bad. All that self work feels lost, gone in those moments, doubts creeping in from the wounds.
I kept reflecting for long what happens in those moments and this is what I came up with as an answer.

Preserving the Self

What happened in those moments is we were not ready to see us / ourselves from their eyes. The way they saw us , their reactions, how they spoke of us was not what we have prepared ourselves for , all this while.
We were preparing only to face our own critical eye.

So how do we prepare ourselves for these situations.

Preserving the hard work on Self.

When the weather inside us is cool , calm and we are at peace within our selves.
Suddenly a remark, an unpleasant reaction from someone who caught us offguard jolts us completely !
All the self acceptance work done so far seems gone down the drain in that moment.
So when are your guards down, When are you most vulnerable?
You are most vulnerable and with your guards down among the people you trust and love, in familial and friendly settings.
Anything which comes from these people affect us directly,
One of my friend commented : We cant control everything and we cant prepare for everything.
She is 💯 percent right , we can’t control everything but what we can control and definitely prepare , is our reaction to it when it happens again, we can choose to not get affected.
We can choose to understand what someone is saying and is hurtful to us, might be the projection of their fears, their insecurities,their realities and experiences.
We have made peace with ourselves and we will not let it affect us.
But if it’s repeatedly done , a boundary needs to be setup and it needs to be respected.
Nobody should be allowed to transgress it.
We need to inform the repeated defaulters that this topic shouldn’t be further brought up again or we will not like to discuss it period.

Happy Women’s Day 2021

While women were doing Aurat March in Pakistan and Indian women in resistance in the Farmers Protest, I was behind my screen working, and in between reading posts from friends on Women’s day. All wonderful women calling out other wonderful women and celebrating essence of being women.
I was like Damnit why didn’t I plan one, I am doing too many things at the moment and going super busy so I took a deep breathe and I decided I will be more gentle and kind to myself.
So here I am showing up ( Currently Reading Show Up by Na’ima B Roberts, dont think I can ever use this expression without not thinking of her book 😃)

I want to thank all women friends in my list today Authors, poets, publishers, writers, homemakers, Bookstagrammers , Instagrammers, FB users who are using their own little or big spaces to make a difference.
Let me tell you even a little post that you share and think it as insignificant might teach someone something, inspire someone, cheer someone up .
My Social media shy female friends and family thank you for supporting me and believing in me !
My Algerian friends and family for all your support on my channel and my posts all the while when English is not your language .

To all the women out there!

Somebody remarked
You are short !
Another told me
Look at your hands,
They ain’t pretty.
Someone pointed
my feet were silly.
Few told me
I might be cute
But I ain’t pretty.
Some assured me
I can look good
Just that I
Need to weigh
A little less.
From 20s to 30
I kept stressing
How I looked
What I ate
Self-conscious
Self Doubting
Hardly happy
Or Carefree.
Whatever I do
I was never
good enough.

And then 30s struck
With a big blow,
All the stress
Self Doubts
Had transformed
Into disorders of
Autoimmune.
Here I was sitting
Looking back
at that pretty girl
in her 20s
Wishing back
that body ,
hair and skin
Which I never
really liked or
appreciated then.

Last 5 years
have been
Self reckoning
Self caring
Self learning
Transformational
Healing
Forgiving
Appreciating
Gratifying
Learning
Unlearning
Relearning
On my
Self- journey .

Being Happy
With the woman
I am becoming.
Grateful for
Every thing
Little and big.
Feeling Beautiful
And meaningful.
Inside and outside.

Don’t wait for your 30s or 40s
to love yourself
and outgrow your insecurities.
Discard them now,
live truly and enjoy your life !