Day 2 of #7daysofkindness is clearly dedicated to this little creature who definitely deserves more kindness from me than anyone else I can think of first . The surroundings we raise these kids are all designed for adults and what they keep on hearing all day is Don’t do this , Don’t do that ! Put that back! You will fall ! Shut that door ! don’t open the cupboards , don’t play with it !
So today I just stepped back and thought , Is it really their fault all day ? They are just curious little fellas, out there having some fun . Are we really failing them as adult ? , instead of making their life more fun and happy we just keep nagging and they hear all day is negative words ‘ No , don’t do’ …
So much so that once I start telling Amjad no for something. He comes back with a stern reprimanding voice saying ‘ No No Don’t do ! ‘ . Felt like a mirror being held to my face and I see me through his eyes .
So for today a little more empathy and kindness for this little fella .I let him play with dirt in the garden , opening taps and getting wet with water and even munching on these unwashed grapes!
It’s Day1 of #wellbeingseptemberseries
And #7daysofkindness . Thanks @bringingupmom from Instagram for remembering and tagging me. We all do little acts of kindness here and there but what we don’t do is challenge ourselves and doing it deliberately . Most of these exercises looks silly to many people and a waste of time but experts have designed it and recommended for our mental well being.
So for me I am set for these 7 days of deliberate acts of kindness that I will record and motivate myself to do.
As they say charity begins at home so here I am , the first person I often neglect and not kind enough is me myself. I reminded myself to be more kind to myself , to be more forgiving , to be less judgemental and to be more accepting , of all the things that I want to do or achieve and not doing so , for parts of me I am so critical of , I would be kinder , more optimistic and helpful. I would always encourage myself to be better and I would always be my forever friend. So a Little of introspection for Day 1 of kindness.
Well if you see nothing special in these dandelions please see them again. These were given to me by 18 month old son , hand picked one by one taking one trip down each flower in the garden and mind you these were exclusively for mommy. When Daddy requested to give him one he denied flatly with a ‘No -No’ and finger moving in a pendulum motion.
So Did you see now the world’s most beautiful flowers . He might outgrow these little acts and will not even remember but these will always remain the best flowers for this mommy.
I am absorbing at the deepest level of my memories these feelings, his little kisses and cosy hugs because sooner than I think he will outgrow them and they will not come in this abundance. The toothless grin is gone and days when I was worried that he is late for teething. Whenever I worry too much for a milestone I remind myself that my child is no competition to reach targets and deadlines and he will eventually be there . I just have to be patient and enjoy all the time I have being with him.
11 year old me: Abba , when I am praying or Reading Quran my mind always wanders off but it doesn’t happen when I watch tv or read another book which means I am only reading from my tongue but my heart and mind is not in there. I am so upset at myself.
Abba : (laughs firsts) I am glad you noticed it , please keep trying to focus and it will come inshallah .
me: I feel bad that my prayers will not be accepted .
Abba: Look there is always a positive way to look at things . First of all you have realized it and you already know what should you do about it. Even though you feel the prayers are not good enough there is still a part of your body ( your tongue) which is still busy in ibaadah of Allah swt, things are not as bad as we think they are. You keep trying to focus and soon you will pray with full focus and attention.That’s how we all learn and practice.
The above conversation is at least 20 years old between a 10 or 11 year old me and my paternal grandfather . It is one of the many wonderful memorable conversations I had with him which have shaped the person I am. It was the first thing that played in my mind yesterday after talking to a friend who refuses to see the positive side of life and not being optimistic for the days when things will be better. She told me I am not as positive person as you are which kept me thinking for long , what could be the reason for this difference in positivism where she clearly is lacking. Is it part of personality? Is it learnt by self with a conscious effort ? or is it constantly fed by our surroundings and people around us in our formative years .
I think all three reasons are valid and the most important one is the last one. The people around us, our parents our family , our environment,if they are positive or not. A child picks up the first vibes and outlook to see life from his surroundings. Is my life or any other person’s life different from each other in terms of daily struggles ? We are all in our bubble of life, struggling to survive and to be. We all have our share of problems and griefs, there might be difference in level and gravity of problems but we all have our share so why is it that some people could bounce back after a setback or problem while others cannot ? where is that subtle difference ? that difference might be coming with the positive attitude in life. I think it is very important to create a positive environment around us for ourselves , to preserve our sanity and imbibe the positive thinking in our children.
Some recent incidents and conversation in near past have left few open questions in my mind. How can we be sure that we are not being overconfident and proud while we assume we are simply taking pride in our things and being confident . The recent conversations with many successful people have put me in this doubt if they are aware of the impression they are creating around as proud and arrogant .
Being confident is a good thing , one need it always ! Speaking up your mind is another good thing but speaking trash is not . Being proud and passing judgement based on your experiences is not. At least I don’t expect it from educated elitists. Communication is an art and everyone needs to learn it. Conveying your thoughts with right words in right tone while being polite and sparing few seconds to think over what you are saying is utmost necessary before you put up your arguments . Getting aggressive , making fun of people , not giving others chance to speak and not open to listen to others ! so guys what are you doing in those debates and discussion groups , please get a training in communication and then grace us with your benign presences. My message to Indian News channels who bring in any x ,y, z to get their Trps high and add some masala in their discussion panel.
Coming back to discussing the terms being Proud and taking Pride . When can we say someone is proud and arrogant than just being a dignified and satisfied being. We often use terms as proud parents , proud citizens etc when we are happy and satisfied with ours or near ones’ achievements or things we/they have. That’s a right thing to do but when we put others down, or put ourselves in higher position than rest or be self important to limits of superiority about self , there lies the problem.
Psychologists have even recommended to refrain from using the word Proud or Pride because it might lead you to be arrogant , to bask on something that has happened and it is dependent on external factors, it might lead you to err and be proud . Using the positive terms as dignity and self worth are much better. There is nothing wrong in respecting ourselves and demanding respect from people, acknowledging our self worth, being more humble and showing gratitude for things we have and our achievements rather than just taking pride. They are driven from inside, they give you positive energies to transform you into somebody better which on contrary pride doesn’t.
I have been using quite a lot the word ‘Pride’ for example when I started wearing my Hijab In one of the post I wrote : ‘It’s a pride for Muslim women’ , What I meant is I am no less of a woman if I wear a Hijab than any other woman but my sentence could be very mistaken for being proud in negative way that I am considering those who don’t wear Hijab as less. The word ‘pride’ came to fill up the gap and lack of respect we feel exists for Hijab clad women. It was a defensive sentence because my post was to defend my position as Hijabi woman , which now I am self analyzing a year later after re- reading my posts . It could have been better If I would have omitted the word ‘pride’ and wrote : ‘Our dignity and self worth remains same as any other woman despite of what we wear, we feel confident and dignified wearing our Hijabs ‘ could have been so much better with this. S always think, weigh and then speak or write your words 🙂
Learning and improving should never be stopped .
Hello Everyone ! Yes Don’t be surprised I am still alive :D, I know I have been off this blog for almost a week but finally my stressful project is over Alhamdolillah. Like every difficult situation, this project too taught me new things of which I was scared to do in beginning but at the end I was enjoying doing them. There is no doubt that success lies outside our comfort zone, sometimes we need to push ourselves much which causes us some pain and distress , and we start to think we are pushing ourselves beyond our limits but it is not true, we actually don’t know our limits , only Allah knows what He has put in us,what we are capable of .He throws us in a situation just to make us realize of our unrealized capability !
Few things I would like to share with you that helped me during my project :
Planning is very important: A Good Planning is half done, Break your project into doable tasks and assign a timeline for each .
Putting extra hours in executing : You might have to put extra hours to reach your planned timeline for completing the tasks, since you will stumble upon unknown problems as you keep moving forward.(Better to add some time in your planning for such unwelcomed guest problems)
Donot be shy and ask Help : If you think you are stuck in a problem too long , ask help from your colleagues or friends, donot waste much time looking for it. May be someone can help you solve it in 5 mins.
Too tired and problem doesn’t get solved : Take a break, go home , if at home go out ,take some fresh air and then analyze problem with fresh mind.
Ideally I should be celebrating it, jumping crazy on my bed and running round and round in my home since I almost worked day and night to complete this assignment but I am not doing any of it as my husband is away for some work and alone is no fun 😦
I was making plans of how can I keep myself busy with out him , but boredom is so annoying , It doesn’t let you do anything interesting.
While I am going to refill my water bottle, you can enjoy here my first bitstrips that’s all I did for today,
The pain of failure is always more than the happiness of success!
We all have failed in our lives sometimes and we have succeeded in many things, but the thing that keeps aching in our hearts is the failure ,that one thing we couldn’t achieve ! ,
The joy of achieving is momentarily and the pain of losing is stronger ,it has more impact and stays longer.It could be one of the reasons why most of us get depressed so easily and prefer to remain sad than being happy!
But we all know, all good things will not happen everyday , each day will not be a perfect day , we can plan things ,work hard , spend our money for it but nothing can ensure the success of our plans .
So what do we do when we fail or our plans fail apart from feeling angry,sad or even giving up ??
First ,We need to calm down and think what is bothering us ,
- Our efforts gone wasted ?
- Our money involved?
- Low Self esteem?feeling low ?
- Feeling ‘shame’ to tell it to people around?
- Pressure from family or society ?
We need to know what is bothering us so we can find a solution ,
The effort and time are lost , well we have always learnt something while trying, Something which has added to our knowledge and experience is never a loss.We know it now,what could have been done extra to get it ,so try again with more efforts and a better approach to give your best shot.
Money is wasted, we could have done something else with it, it was our hard earned money, well what if the things were succeeded, would we have thought it this way? No, we always have to take into account the risk factor,should be prepared for it, the best blessing is we are alive today and we can earn it again! We don’t have to waste our days (which are in fact portions of life) to mourn over it.Life in itself is more precious than to be wasted being sad about these failures.
Feeling low or unworthy: When we fail,we all feel low or unworthy of ourselves, we feel less fortunate than others and less capable .We need to know we are all similar but not same, our capabilities ,strengths ,weaknesses,they all vary and so do our interests.Comparing yourself to someone who could do some ‘x’ thing so easily or perfectly is not right, it could be his strong point and your weak point, We can always overcome our weaknesses by our efforts and will power to do the things.
Losing is a shame in most of the societies , we are shy to tell people that we failed or we couldn’t do it, Winning is a parameter of evaluating the respect to be given to us .People surrounding us add more to the grief by constantly asking about it. There are some,who even lost their confidence and never bounced back ,well we do not have to be one of them. Losing is not shame, it is a symbol of being courageous to have tried what you wanted to do , you are not a winner today but tomorrow you can be !
We as muslims are always hopeful for the mercy of Allah, Everything is possible for Allah(‘Kun fayakun’ as it is said in Quran, He says Be and it is) but He also asks you to make an effort for it.The door is open , we need to make an effort to look out.Success or failure everything comes from Him as test or as gift or as a rescue we never know.He knows Best.
So next time if you fail, don’t lose hope neither should you feel low,
Think about what is troubling you , and act upon it.
if you want to take another chance ,go for it.
You thought you gave your best , and there are no more chances to take! then let it go, Some things are not meant to be . Leave them there, trust Allah and move ahead.Some better things must be waiting for you on your way Insha Allah.