The not so funny side of being funny!

Hello Everyone ! I am hoping you are all doing fine in your lives and blogs 🙂 I was not so active on my blog because I didn’t have much to say. My talkative mind was sober these days with my new found hobby of painting, well not so new, painting for an year now. I am not a born artist, drawing a straight line without a scale/ruler is difficult for me but I am getting better at it, though I am good with colors, love to mix and match , I do much better at canvas , just throw in some random colors, put in my palette knife and try to bring out some abstract art, my every weekend game 🙂 Sounds fun isn’t it ?

Apart from it, I want to thank you all for following my blog and reading my posts for which I am truly grateful to Almighty that out there , are some souls reading  your thoughts , connecting and responding .

The reason for today’s post: There was always one topic I wanted to write about but I never did it , always kept it for later and I think the later has come . Humour .

Humour is good , it adds an extra spark to your personality , lits the surroundings and throws in roars of laughter and keeps life light. We need humour in our lives otherwise life is too boring but have we looked beyond that light hearted humour or evaluated the cost of that half a minute’s laugh, what is the price of it, Is it expensive ,where is it coming from , who is paying the cost ? There is a darker side to it, the evil sinister side, the bad face of our society which ward offs all bad and mean things to people in name of humour and I totally hate it!  Pick up any comedy show and you see our comedy is nothing but  a true reflection of who we are . I remember watching The Comedy Nights with Kapil Sharma which was nothing but making fun of people , saying mean things to them just in the name of humour.The only difference was his characters were fictitious but his jokes were taken from real life situations and later these were  reapplied by our young generation in their daily lives to create fun and jibes.

Is it really funny to make fun of somebody’s size and weight , their color or face, their failures or shortcomings ?

I think it is very important to lead a mindful life , to be aware of our actions and words and their impact on us and around us. Humour is good but we need to careful and watch what are we saying in name of fun . ‘ Just kidding‘ or ‘ just joking ‘ could be injurious to you and others as well. With this internet thing people are getting really creative to make memes and being funny , what if the same joke is done on you? Perhaps it could be a no issue with you, you play it game but  the other might be too sensitive. Someone might be struggling with weight issues, skin issues or has a height complex , someone trying to overcome his possible shortcomings and you might just rub it in.  As a human being it is our duty to live responsibly and take care of not hurting others.

A humble advice out to some cool guys out there : Stop being cool and playing a bully just in name of humour, don’t hide behind it, if you have guts say those things on a person’s face and allow him/her to smash your face.

The thin line between being Proud and taking pride.

Some recent incidents and conversation in near past have left few open questions in my mind. How can we be sure that we are not being overconfident and proud while we assume we are simply taking pride in our things and being confident . The recent conversations with many  successful people have put me in this doubt if they are aware of the impression they are creating around as proud  and arrogant .

Being confident is a good thing , one need it always ! Speaking up your mind is another good thing but speaking trash is not . Being proud and passing judgement based on your experiences is not. At least I don’t expect it from educated elitists. Communication is an art and everyone needs to learn it. Conveying your thoughts with right words in right tone while being polite and sparing few seconds to think over what you are saying is utmost necessary before you put up your arguments . Getting aggressive , making fun of people , not giving others chance to speak and not open to listen to others ! so guys what are you doing in those debates and discussion groups , please get a training in communication and then grace us with your benign presences. My message to  Indian News channels who bring in any x ,y, z to get their Trps high and add some masala in their discussion panel.

Coming back to discussing the terms being Proud and taking Pride . When can we say someone is proud and arrogant than just being a dignified and satisfied being. We often use terms as proud parents , proud citizens etc when we are happy and satisfied with ours or near ones’ achievements or things we/they have. That’s a right thing to do but when we put others down, or put ourselves in higher position than rest or be self important to limits of superiority about self , there lies the problem.

Psychologists have even recommended to refrain from using the word Proud or Pride because it might lead you to be arrogant , to bask on something that has happened and it is dependent on external factors, it might lead you to err and be proud . Using the positive terms as dignity and self worth are much better. There is nothing wrong in respecting ourselves and demanding respect from people, acknowledging  our self worth, being more humble and showing gratitude for things we have and our achievements rather than just taking pride.  They are driven from inside, they give you positive energies to  transform you into somebody better which on contrary pride doesn’t.

I have been using quite a lot the word ‘Pride’ for example  when I started wearing my Hijab In one of the post I wrote  : ‘It’s a pride for Muslim women’ , What I meant is I am no less of a woman if I wear a Hijab than any other woman but my sentence could be very mistaken for being proud in negative way  that I am considering those who don’t wear Hijab as less. The word ‘pride’ came to fill up the gap and lack of respect we feel exists for Hijab clad women. It was  a defensive sentence because my post was to defend my position as Hijabi woman  , which now  I am self analyzing a year later after re- reading my posts . It could have been better If I would have omitted the word ‘pride’ and wrote : ‘Our dignity and self worth remains same as any other woman despite of what we wear, we feel  confident and dignified wearing our Hijabs ‘  could have been so much better with this.  S always think, weigh and then speak or write your words 🙂

Learning and improving should never be stopped .

References: 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/201506/three-vital-differences-between-pride-and-dignity

 

How to stop being Judgemental ??

Life is a constant process of learning, unlearning and relearning things or ‘better things’  would be more appropriate  ,  in order to make our and others life better. In the first 20 years of my life I was just learning things, the process was to grasp as much as possible from my surroundings and observations, there were some analytical processes in background but not much.  The time after my twenties started with the unlearning process of many things I have known in wrong way, and re learning started in parallel, the struggle is ongoing and I guess it would remain the same till we are alive. We are in constant process of learning stuff and this quest should never end.

One of the things we learnt while growing up is judging things. We need to have our judgement about life, everyday situations and what we think of others. A person without an opinion is considered to be dumb at least in my society, so everyone is always expected to have an opinion about everything. Is having an opinion also a part of judgement? I think yes, otherwise how can I have an opinion about someone If I didn’t judge and how do I give my opinion ?  I put other person in my shoes and think what could I have done in this case. Yes , you read it correctly I didn’t mistyped the line, I actually meant we put other person in our shoes, rather than being in his shoes because we are still judging him somewhere, the process is so much part of our thinking mechanism that even while saying not judging we are actually doing it .

What can we then do about it?  Many things, first  we need to constantly put a check on ourselves whenever we form an opinion, Are we judging someone based on so and so reasons?  You can either agree with someone or disagree with, when you do not agree to somebody’s idea, thoughts or actions which is not in accordance to your school of thoughts, and form an opinion about it, it often end up in bad judgment. To be aware is problem half solved.

There are many ways how people handle it, the best one I have come across is  a method/formula. Being an engineer, formulas goes more quickly into my head  and are  easier to remember. It is called DUAL method, I have put it down here for you.

 

DUAL Method :

Don’t pass judgment: Hold on to the urge of passing a judgement. Take some time to think.

Understand: Try to understand the situation, circumstances .Two people can react differently to same situation. Try to walk in his shoes and see through his perspective.

Accept: Accept the person with his faults, his different opinion and choices.

Love: Love the person as fellow human being, nothing can beat  love and compassion.

A very good article where you can read more on this method  is mentioned below:

Reference for DUAL method :http://zenhabits.net/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/

Some days are Murphy’s days!

Wednesday morning I had my lazy version out and I was snoozing my alarm by every 5 minutes until I saw the time and it was time to scream and jump out of bed and start the brushing and rushing routine. I almost ran to catch my metro just to know  there was a problem in track and there was no metro  for another 20 minutes at least , so I knew that it was Murphy’s day and his rules  were playing on,

Murphy how genious you were !

• Everything takes longer than you think.
• Everything takes longer than it takes.
• Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

So I saw  more and more people swarming in the metro station every 5 minutes and soon it was  packed with angry faces all around, one of them was mine too 😛

After waiting for 30 minutes , finally  a metro arrived! A sigh of relief and some smiles around. As soon as I moved forward to step in, there was an announcement  saying ‘this metro has some problem and needs to be vacated ! ‘ , so the people inside also came out  to join us with even more angrier faces .

After 10 minutes we had another metro but already packed with people! I tried to enter but I was pushed out by people.OKAY,alright , I tried again and I was pushed back again, so I tried hard third time but I was pushed back with even more strength  until the door closed automatically on my face!

So I stood there to see the metro leaving ! I know I looked funny then ! My husband had a nice laugh already when I told him what happened that day and he is laughing again that I even made a post about it 🙂

Coming back to my story I was then waiting  for next metro which gave me enough time to calm down ,I didn’t feel  rush or hurry  anymore  because I was already late.A little late or too late is any way late! I suddenly remembered my everyday commuting with Delhi metro for almost 2 years,the incident pushed me back to old memories ! Busy metro stations , lines to get in metros, pushing people ,rushing people,some angry faces having bad day,others listening to Radio Mirchi or their playlists, some chatting in their phones and remaining peeking into their neighbour’s phones! .Waiting for next metro in Delhi in hope of  less crowd  was a waste of thoughts as the metro could be more packed but not less 😛 I was mostly standing in ladies compartment and sometimes traveling with my foot on somebody else’s feet,embarrassed to look up into other’s eyes but to be surprised to see a smiling face saying ”It is alright,don’t worry .This is Delhi Metro.”

Human beings are same everywhere and so are their reactions! As soon as we had crowd in metro station here, there was no rule! only chaos to rush in the metro first ! or I would say the reactions were stronger here compared to India  because people in Belgium are not habitual  to seeing so many people or travelling this way! Some were almost in panic and overwhelmed! We do not know how we will react to a certain situation until it arises and  I exactly saw it there!

so Murphy’s day was over that day with some observational   human  and self analysis !

Ending with another of his law:

Smile ,Tomorrow can be worse  

(donot kill me for this one :P)

Writer’s Quote Wednesday-Malcolm X

For Wednesday Ritual Quotation , I chose this quote from Malcolm X, inspired from his autobiography that I started reading a month back but didn’t finish it yet, I am more busy in blogging these days and reading posts from WordPress Reader than  my own  list.

Malcolm X was a strong leader with a great vision,unfortunately he didn’t live long enough to write many books but what he left is worth reading! It somehow gives me that strength that I am looking for,his words are empowering which compels for  the need of self-respect and most essential ,everyone’s right to freedom! . He lived for it and died for it.

Most of his quotes are about freedom and equality , I really like this one as it showed his empathetic side and greater understanding for human nature!

We should not be in  a hurry to blame others or categorize people into good or bad just because they are  doing things differently than us or they don’t  do what we do , or  think like we think .We do not know the ground realities what has shaped their behavior and  personality.People do change with time even if they are doing something wrong today, they might correct it tomorrow. Some learn things faster and others take time to understand and implement  in their lives ,but the fact is everyone is on a learning process .What we were few years before, We are not the same person anymore.Allah has guided us ,to be wiser and a better human being( from example of people around me, I see them learning and evolving or at least making an effort ),

If I form an opinion about a person that he/she is bad based on their thoughts/actions today ,  I am forming a barrier between me and them. I am restricting myself  to  love or be kind to them as I do for others who agree with my thought. Of-course, I do not wish evil for them but somehow in a deeper sense of being an equal in  creation I am violating my basic principle of treating  others well., or if I am being nice to them on outside ,do not like to make people feel bad, my heart is still not with my behavior.It is our perception  about them which stop us from being good to them,inside out.

So don’t give in to the urge of categorizing people in your mind, be kind to everyone and be nice , it is part of being you ! You might meet them tomorrow as better people or not,Allah knows.Do not make your behavior a reflection of theirs, because it is your OWN precious possession that you will carry forever.

(In response to Writers Quote Wednesday event held every Wednesday on Silver Threading, Link->)

Where is your curiosity leading you ?

Well ,Had not been Newton curious enough we would never  have known why apple falls downwards and not upwards, Curiosity is a great thing, it has led us  to reason,to know and eventually to grow.

I see curious people everywhere , meet them every now and then, offline and online.

No no, my post is not about differently curious people like Newton but generally curious people around us, who are always curious to know what is happening in others life , What are rest of the people  doing ? Spying around more than intelligent services.

Some very normal questions in India –

If you are unmarried , so when are you getting married ??

If you are married, when are you giving us good news for the baby?

If you are student, when will you get your results ? Your marks?

That was the  funny part, but problem arises when you start asking  intimidating questions which has nothing to do with you .

for example:

You know that someone is looking for a job, why  ask him about his job every time you see him ?

You know she never talks about her husband or in laws, why to ask her about them You never know what she is hiding behind her silence.

If someone shared  his wedding pictures, to tell  him/her

‘I thought you were already married ‘or

‘ I think I saw your wedding pictures  before as well,’

until he/she tells(actually yells at)  you ,‘Yes I got divorced and am married again,’

‘Oh I am sorry,’  

No,  he/she doesn’t need your sorry, You already did your job of hurting that person.Just be more kind, empathetic and sensitive.You never have to be sorry then.

Sending messages to someone you never talked in years just to know something about him/her that you heard from someone aka confirming the rumors??

Asking questions  starting with ”If you don’t mind ?? or ending up with a hehehe..”   If you think he/she  will mind,Why to ask? and It is not funny even with a ‘hehehe’ !

Why to become so insensitive  just to feed your curiosity?

( Disclaimer : It is not for anyone specific.Many of us do get curious and might end up  hurting others unintentionally , For everyone who reads it, It is ‘you’ asking your inner self and not  Me as writer 😀 !)

We are all guilty of doing it sometimes to feed our curiosities, Just think for a while, before asking a personal question to someone .

Could it hurt some one?  if  Yes! better not ask it.

Do I need this information, What do I have to do with this information about him/her ? If your answer is nothing , better not ask it.

Dealing with Failures

The pain of failure is always more than the happiness of success!

We all have failed in our lives sometimes  and we have succeeded in many things, but the thing that keeps aching in our hearts is the failure ,that one thing we couldn’t achieve ! ,

The joy of achieving  is momentarily and the pain of losing  is stronger ,it has more impact and  stays longer.It could be  one of the reasons why most of us get depressed so easily and prefer to remain sad  than being happy!

But we all know,  all good things will  not happen everyday , each day will not be a perfect day , we can plan things ,work hard , spend our money for it  but nothing can ensure the success of our plans .

So what do we do when we fail or our plans fail apart from feeling angry,sad or even giving up ??

First ,We need to calm down and think what is bothering us ,

• Our efforts gone wasted ?
• Our money involved?
• Low Self esteem?feeling low ?
• Feeling ‘shame’ to tell it to people around?
• Pressure from family or society ?

We need to know what is bothering us so we can find a solution ,

The effort and time are lost , well we have always learnt something while trying, Something which has added to our knowledge and experience  is never a loss.We know it now,what could  have been done extra to get it ,so  try again with more efforts and a better approach  to give your best shot.

Money is wasted, we could have done something else with it, it was our hard earned money, well what if the things were succeeded, would we have thought it this way? No, we always have to take into account the risk factor,should  be prepared for it, the best blessing is we are alive today and we  can earn it again!  We don’t have to waste our days (which are in fact portions of life) to mourn over it.Life in itself is more precious than to be wasted being sad about these failures.

Feeling low or unworthy: When we fail,we all feel low or unworthy of ourselves, we feel less fortunate  than others and less capable .We need to know we are all  similar but not same, our capabilities ,strengths ,weaknesses,they all vary and so do our interests.Comparing  yourself to someone who could do  some ‘x’ thing so easily or perfectly is not right, it could be his strong point and your weak point, We can always overcome our weaknesses by our efforts and will power to do the things.

Losing is a shame in most of the societies , we are shy to tell people that we failed or we couldn’t do it, Winning is a parameter of evaluating the respect to be given to us .People surrounding us add more to the grief by constantly asking about it. There are some,who even lost their confidence and  never bounced back ,well we do not have to be one of them. Losing is not shame, it is a symbol of being courageous to have tried what you wanted to do , you are not a winner today but tomorrow you can be !

We as muslims are always hopeful for the mercy of Allah, Everything is possible for Allah(‘Kun fayakun’ as it is said in Quran, He says Be and it is)  but He also  asks you to make an effort for it.The door is open , we need to make an effort to look out.Success or failure everything comes from Him as test or as gift  or as a rescue we never know.He knows Best.

So next time if you fail, don’t lose hope neither should you feel low,

Think about what is troubling you , and act upon it.

if you want to take another chance ,go for it.

You thought you gave your best , and there are no more chances to take!  then let it go, Some things are not meant to be . Leave them there, trust Allah and move ahead.Some better things must be waiting  for you on your way Insha Allah.

The Mean Gene!

As I have start to move a bit further on scale of my age( and Weight too 😉  ) , the behavior/habits I have laughed  about my grandmother and father , those traits have started to surface in my behavior too ,  two of the things I have started doing which accredit to these culprit genes :

My father and my grandmother(his mother), always call the person they are talking to with the name of person who is not present  there at that moment! We always have to correct them, My father sometimes  calls me Nadira which is the name of his youngest sister and when he is with her, He often calls her Sana (my name) .It is the same with my grandmother, she always calls me with name of my cousin who is not present there 🙂 It is funny and irritating at same time! Well I did the same thing to one of my colleague during lunch time this week, twice and he reminded me , it’s not his name 😀 I  felt the attack of those mean genes first time! Gosh Not ME !!

The second behavior: my father is always talking of something he felt bad about or been angry about for long time .Everyday  you talk to him, he will repeat it to you and you always have to remind him,” forget it Daddy, it’s over!!”  but he remains  so emotional and angry about it for days until something worse happens and he talks about the later one then. I am doing the same thing from past one week, every time at dinner table I discuss the same thing   I was angry about  ,to my husband and he tells me the same thing, “Forget about it dear!! You don’t have to take everything to your heart!! ”

I told him, don’t worry it’s not me, it’s the Mean Genes once again !!

Though miles apart, how we behave like our parents or grandparents , it’s incredible!! How we sit like them, walk like them, make same faces!! Its simply amazing!

I could only remember  the meaning of  a verse of Quran ‘ To which of the favors of your Lord, Will you deny’ , and my heart replies  ‘None my King ,none!! ‘